My family and I took lots of trips when I was growing up. We would go to log cabins in the mountains in Massanutten, to the sandy beaches of North Carolina, and to the dark and curious Luray Caverns.

Of course we went to everything ON ICE and the circus when it would come into town. I would get my face painted, cotton candy, and those fun lights you could swirl around with an animal head on top. I was so happy to be able to do all of this and very grateful.

However, one person who seemed like he wasn’t having fun or being happy was my dad. He had what people now call a resting bitch face, whatever the equivalent of that is for a man. It always seemed like he would find something to be mad at.

Now don’t misunderstand, my dad was a great provider and hard worker. But he lacked feelings and emotions which was hard for me to understand for a long time.

I always felt my dad was mad at me. He very rarely told me that he was proud of me which made me sad. I would hear from his employees that he was, but that wasn’t the same as hearing it from my dad.

He said “I love you” like he was just required to. Hugs and kisses were intitiated by me.

When he would yell at me, or spank me to the point that I had welts, the next day I would get a new Barbie and/or candy. Needless to say, my Barbie and candy collections were vast. And no, I wasn’t THAT bad of a kid.

When he was in a bad mood, he would wait until my mom left the room before he would start fussing at me. He did the same thing to my mom when I would leave the room. It really sucked and made me feel like nothing I did was right.

He would come home after I got out of school and yell at me for doing homework instead of the dishes right away. He got so mad at me one day that he threw a remote at my head. Thank goodness it missed, but it did leave a dent in the wall.

Another incident was at Christmas one year. He was angry and threw a $100 bill at me and told me “Merry Christmas.” This was despite the fact that my mom had purchased gifts for me from both of them. I know this may sound like a great thing, “Hell, you got $100, what are you complaining about?” but for me it was the way he did it and the coldness in his face. It was never about the physical items for me, I craved the emotional acceptance and love of both my parents, and I feel I only got it from one of them, my mom.

The final straw was when he got mad at my mom and took her car keys away. She had to get rides from coworkers to and from work. This was when I was 16-years-old.

I had enough of the nastiness and I told my mom that we either had to leave or I would run away. Needless to say, we left. It was a very long time before I would see my dad again.

Have you had a situation where you didn’t see a family member for awhile? How did that make you feel?